


paint me in trust, call me the one

by rain_at_dawn



Series: stars, scattered [27]
Category: SHINee
Genre: Band Fic, Character Study, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Mild Angst, Pining, Pre-Relationship, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 20:47:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28819476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rain_at_dawn/pseuds/rain_at_dawn
Summary: 1. things you said at 1 am.
Relationships: Kim Jonghyun/Lee Jinki | Onew
Series: stars, scattered [27]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1608877
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	paint me in trust, call me the one

**Author's Note:**

> Prompted by @jjongmoonfairy on Twitter
> 
> Title comes from 'Human' by Dodie Clark

Jinki examines the bruise on his skin and comes up with a saying of his own: _a human is as a human does._

The words do not sing, but they light up something in his head. He had fallen over in the kitchen earlier in the evening and the bruise on his elbow is nothing but a token of his own fallibility. “You don’t have to worry about it, it’ll be all right,” he’d already assured Jonghyun, trying to feign as guiltless a tone as possible to pacify him.

Jonghyun’s reappearance in the living-room, frowning at a time when Jinki would rather imagine him peacefully asleep, is proof that his ploy hadn’t worked. Jinki could dodge the questioning stare by offering him a warm smile and a glass of milk, but he hates lying to Jonghyun.

“I just have a lot of… thoughts.” He offers as an excuse, all too aware of the uncomfortable crinkle of the leather sofa beneath him as he sinks into it. “You don’t have to stay up too.”

But Jonghyun wants to, even if he doesn’t say as much. He’s too kind to Jinki in that way.

Not long after settling next to him on the sofa, Jonghyun’s eyes follow the angles of Jinki’s folded arms to alight on the bruise right in the middle of his right elbow. There’s not much else to do about it, other than let it heal by itself.

When the silence gets too loud, Jinki wonders if he should clear his throat. Instead, he ends up glancing at Jonghyun’s profile, softened in shadow, and an old memory resurfaces, one from their trainee years. It had been a night when he’d watched Jonghyun wave him goodbye as he left for home after practice, the realization that he was absolutely smitten with his new friend tight in his throat.

The old feeling is now intertwined with an aching familiarity; he’s felt Jonghyun’s sweaty palms slide into his after countless performances, has known the comforting ease of slipping into harmonies with him. A part of him puts it down to hours of practice, while another wants it to be something that was just as natural as falling into step with an old friend. Yet another part of him in the middle ponders if it might be neither.

As usual, Jonghyun picks up the conversation: “I’m having trouble with that song.”

“Which one?”

“The one I told you about.”

_Odd Eye._ Jinki shouldn’t have had to ask; how silly of him. It seems to be weighing on Jonghyun the more they spoke. His shoulders droop forward as he leans to clasp his hands together and Jinki holds back the urge to drape his arm around his back. It might just add to the burden. Despite that, his arms unfold on their own accord and hang loosely by his sides, useless.

Jonghyun’s the one who finally clears his throat. “If I’m being honest, I wonder if I should scrap it altogether. Save it for another release.”

There’s a sinking feeling in Jinki’s chest, but he tries not to give in to it as he asks, “Why?”

“It’s… it’s not… maybe it’s not the right time. Nothing to do with anyone. It’s just…”

Jinki knows what fills in the blank.

_It’s just me._

He can tell by the ragged edge in his voice that Jonghyun’s burnt out on himself. If Jinki leans in closer, he imagines he can smell the smoke in his hair, so he doesn’t.

Perhaps a platitude would do: “Don’t worry about it. It’ll happen when it’s supposed to.”

It doesn’t seem to do what it’s supposed to. Jonghyun still looks perturbed, gaze hooked to the blank tv and console directly opposite them; if he stares any harder, Jinki feels sure that these very objects might just levitate.

“Jonghyun…” He has no choice but to reach out. “Even if things won’t work out, it doesn’t make you or us any lesser than our efforts.”

It had sounded smarter in Jinki’s head. His right hand has shifted towards Jonghyun’s thigh; he leaves it as is.

One day, perhaps this would be a lot easier.

Jinki decides to try, regardless.

“Maybe it isn’t just you. I should be the one who’s supposed to help you, but…”

His hand lies useless on the leather sofa seat, unable to elaborate further. Jonghyun doesn’t shift either, except his head tilts downward slightly, as if in contemplation. The look on his face seems less severe; for a brief few seconds, he’s younger, the same boy whose toothy grin Jinki had dreamt of after the hell that was weekly evaluations in SM’s old practice rooms.

“Jinki?”

That was how Jonghyun used to address him, back when he’d thought Jinki was younger and less sure of himself than he was supposed to be. Then had come the inevitable age reveal and the new rules of decorum that fell into place. Jinki feels an overwhelming nostalgia for the time before any of that.

“Yeah?”

“Can we just agree that we’re both just lost?”

Jinki tries to smile in the face of the truth. Like the rest of his words, this falls flat. Jonghyun has gone back to frowning and looking his age. So far, no light at the end of this tunnel. They’d both been leading each other blind.

The leather squeaks underneath Jinki as he makes to get up. “Get some sleep,” he advises Jonghyun, even though he’s no more closer to following his own directive. He’s high on a painful kind of wistfulness, chasing past dreams that don’t materialize behind the blink of an eye. Going to bed might be the only good idea he’d gotten out of this.

“Jinki.”

He’s right at the door to his room when he hears Jonghyun call out. His hand is halfway to pushing it open when Jonghyun’s hand closes around his. His fingers are cool to touch and Jinki’s heart nearly flies right out of his chest.

He turns to find Jonghyun’s eyes on him.

“Find me, Jinki. I’ll look for you too.”


End file.
